CHEEZEBALL.NET
P.O. BOX 8236
MOBILE, AL 36689

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Sent: Wed 5/13/2009 5:02 PM
Name: Brenda C.
Email: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@frontiernet.net
Comments:
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Hey are you a guy by any chance? 

Ohio Expressed used the word "Tummy"; and I am sure a lot of others you just haven't heard.  Who the hell gets insulated by shitty lyric's anyway?

You are no professional critic
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AN UNPROFESSIONAL CRITIC RESPONDS:

Holy Jesus, Brenda! Pull your head out of your cat's ass. First, it is "The Ohio Express," not "Ohio Expressed." (And for f*ck's sake, the reason we took Lucinda Williams to task for using the word "tummy" is precisely because in doing so she came off sounding like The Ohio Express. If "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" is your idea of music, what the bloody hell are you doing on cheezeball.net, anyway?)

As to being "insulated by shitty lyric's," we certainly are not; we are, however, irritated by illiterate cretins who mangle their mother tongue. To insult and to insulate, you dimwitted git, are two entirely different things. Malapropisms notwithstanding, it's your obloquious use of the apostrophe that really raised our hackles. We're going to have to turn you over to the grammar commandos who run apostropheabuse.com. (And while you're brushing up on the conventions of standard punctuation, cruise on over to the Online Writing Lab and figure out how the rest of us use semicolons.)

Final grade: F

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Sent: Sun 5/11/2008 3:37 PM
Name: Steve
Email: xxxxx.xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
Comments:
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I'm so progressive and elitist and hate the traditonal family. I pick easy targets and set up straw men just to knock them down and I never let go of something that happend how many years ago? Not if I can get some cheap laughs out of it? I judge others but not myself and I never forgive anyone because I'm just not as tolerant as I think I am. I hate Christians but not the Jews or Muslims oh no that would be wrong, wrong, wrong because they might sue me or issue a fatwa on my skinny white liberal ass.
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EDITOR'S NOTE: The message above was received in response to Contest #17. We assume that it is not an entry, but merely Steve's way of expressing his mad love for Jimmy Swaggart.

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Sent: Sun 1/13/2008 10:25 AM
Name: J.R.
Email: xxxxxxx@gmail.com
Comments:
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Repeat the following to yourself daily:

NOBODY EVER BUILT A MONUMENT TO A MUSIC CRITIC.

There's a good reason for that.

I read a review on this site of a BAND WHOSE MUSIC I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD and it pissed me off.  The band in question might indeed blow more goats than a solar-powered, industrial-strength, fully-automatic goat blowing device could ever hope to blow, but your review only managed to showcase your own fratboy stupidity.  I'd like to beat the lips right off you.
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Sent: Tue 6/13/2006 8:16 PM
Name: Anonymous
Email: xxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Comments:
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Terri Gibbs is blind, idiot!

Maybe you ought to do some research before you insult people.
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EDITOR'S NOTE: What? Terri Gibbs is blind? Are you serious? (And we thought the big dark glasses were just a fashion statement...)

Listen, buddy, we're equal opportunity casters-of-aspersion here at cheezeball.net. What makes you think the blind are sacrosanct? (And besides, we didn't even make a joke about Terri's blindness. You want a blind joke? Check out what we said about Ronnie Milsap in Bad Album Covers, Gallery 8.)